remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
