i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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