consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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