..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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