mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
