If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
