Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
