eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
