I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
