I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
