my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were trust falling into bushes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
