Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
