mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
