My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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