Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
