did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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