Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
