my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
