I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
