I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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