Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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