hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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