Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
