I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
