every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
