im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude. I can hear the air.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
