I forgot how hot balto sounded
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
