I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
