haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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