Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
