party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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