I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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