there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
