drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
