I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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