Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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