she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
