shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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