I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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