so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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