..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
