are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
