I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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