And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
