I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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