I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
