It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
