she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
