Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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