How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
